My Blake, Incarcerated
Her life –
Once gold, sweet, and sun –
In ruins for the world.
The marble statue she made of you crumbles.
Out on her own in the big bad world
Doesn’t know how to care for herself,
her heart too big for her body.
No one will say anything about it until its too late.
No one will take the blame, burning flame she was.
A firecracker thrown against a brick wall
In the middle of the night.
She wanted to leave the black in St. Lucia.
She buried it deep in the sand on the first day.
She loved it, so she died for it.
Weeks into months
Until she was drowning again.
We all knew, even when she was on stage,
Even when she was glowing.
Her ribcage, a prison.
Bones carving words into the dark side of her skin,
The side no one saw, the side that people pretended not to see.
Words for you.
When you discover that you are invincible, you will drive your car off a bridge for the second time. This time, it does not hurt. You will smash yourself to smithereens again and again, demolish tooth and nail. You will kiss a boy until you taste the iron he is made of, bathing in black blood in the corner of some bar that you know you’re too good for. He grinds you to dust and you will laugh and laugh because you win. You always win. You will say “yes” and “yes” and “yes” and never say “no” because, frankly, you’ve already decided that you’re fucked.
You will look over your shoulder like you have something to run from.
You will begin to misplace parts of you. Your body caving in on itself, devastated, you will leave parts everywhere. Your bile in the bathroom, your hair on his pillow. The first and last time you make him cum, he will call you a name your mother did not give you. Your bones shake.*
*Note: You will want to leave parts of you behind so people don’t forget who you used to be. Note: You will act like you don’t realize what you’re doing to yourself when you are disappearing.
The mirror won’t lie to you. This is when you learn your recklessness tastes like gunpowder and no one wants to put the barrel between their lips.
You will realize that being invincible does not mean you must try to destroy yourself.
Sam Distefano is a 23 year-old artist from Upstate, NY. He has a BFA in Visual Communications Design, but works in many other mediums, including poetry, painting, and photography. He likes movies, dogs, pizza, and his boyfriend.